I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
