i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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