Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i've created a new STD.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
