If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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