I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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