a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want her autograph on my taint
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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