Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We're too hungover to prance.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
