Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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