If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize