Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
why didn't you poke me back
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
