hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
