I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
