I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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