Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
