By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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