My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
