she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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