he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
