I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
