If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Barsexuality is the new black.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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