my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
