i would punch a child for taco bell
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
