I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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