Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
