Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
