u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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