I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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