So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
