Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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