The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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