P.S. I can't hear my feet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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