You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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