i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
