Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
