My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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