He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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