I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
