Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
