I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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