Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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