It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she told me i tasted like america
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
