i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
