Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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