it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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