I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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