Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize