I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
