You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
