When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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