Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
