the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
