I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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