I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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