I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
