just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You made out with two different species that night
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
