why didn't you poke me back
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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