Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
