you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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