Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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